God. It's terrifying how young these cyber criminals are getting. I was still figuring out how to talk to girls at 19, while these kids are orchestrating multi-million dollar hacks from their childhood bedrooms.

Let me tell you about "King Bob" - a Florida teen who thought he was untouchable. Noah Urban (his actual name) spent his days leaking unreleased tracks from Ariana Grande and Playboi Carti, building this whole online persona. All while his parents probably thought he was just gaming upstairs or whatever. Imagine being his mom - "Noah, dinner's ready!" Meanwhile, he's stealing millions in cryptocurrency.

The Spider's Web Catches M&S

The kid was part of this shadowy hacker collective called Scattered Spider - teh same group now linked to the Easter weekend cyber attack that's absolutely crippled Marks & Spencer. If you've tried ordering online from M&S lately... well, good luck with that. Their systems are in shambles.

What's wild is how this connects back to the UK. A 22-year-old from Dundee named Tyler Buchanan was just extradited to California after being arrested in Spain. Spanish police literally grabbed him at Mallorca airport as he tried to board a flight to Naples. Talk about vacation plans getting ruined.

These two - Urban and Buchanan - were apparently in constant contact, running operations across continents.

"Smart kids but not smart enough to evade the authorities," one source close to the case told me. "The law was always going to catch up with them."

Wait... they named themselves after a MINION?

I can't get over the fact that Urban's hacker name "King Bob" comes from those little yellow Minion characters in Despicable Me. Seriously? You're stealing millions and THAT'S your intimidating alias?

When the FBI finally caught up with him at an Airbnb in Palm Coast, he was frantically trying to wipe his computer. Too late, buddy.

Now he's facing over 40 years in prison and has to pay back £10 million to his victims. That's a steep price for a teenager who admitted he blew most of his "millions" on online gaming sites. All that criminal genius, and he couldn't even manage his ill-gotten gains properly.

The Teenage Crime Empire

Scattered Spider isn't just some random group. These kids have an estimated 1,000 hackers worldwide and have pulled off some genuinely impressive (terrifying?) heists.

Remember when MGM and Caesars casinos in Las Vegas got hit in 2023? That was them. The casinos ended up paying £11.2 million in ransom just to get their systems back online. Hotel room keys, slot machines, payment systems - all held hostage by teenagers.

And now M&S can't deliver Percy Pigs or Colin the Caterpillar cakes. The horror!

A 17-year-old from Walsall is also under investigation. SEVENTEEN. I was working at a grocery store at that age, not orchestrating international cyber attacks.

How Do They Even Do This?

From what I've learned, these kids use pretty clever social engineering. They'll pose as IT staff and trick employees into handing over login details. Or they'll do something called "SIM swapping" - convincing your mobile carrier to move your phone number to their SIM card.

Once they're in, they either steal data to sell on the dark web or lock everything down with ransomware until companies pay up.

It's not just about the ransom either. As Paul Sibenik from Cryptoforensic Investigators told me: "The criminals often threaten to leak the private data of customers if companies don't pay up."

Nightmare fuel.

Living Large on Crime Money (Sort of)

One intelligence officer from the National Crime Agency (basically the UK's FBI) shared something that made me laugh despite the seriousness. After describing how some teens have stolen "enough cryptocurrency to buy a luxury yacht," he added: "but it's not easy to spend and they just end up buying sneakers and UberEats."

Imagine having millions in stolen crypto and the best you can do is order extra guacamole on your burrito. Poor criminal masterminds.

What's even more disturbing is that Scattered Spider is apparently part of a larger network called "The Com" - a toxic group of alienated teens who've been coercing young girls into self-harm and sharing explicit photos. These aren't just hackers; they're predators.

Back in 2018, I wrote about online safety for teens, but this is a whole different level of darkness I never imagined we'd reach.

As I finish writing this, M&S is still struggling to restock shelves and resume deliveries. Co-op and Harrods have also reported attempted breaches.

So next time your favorite store can't process your order, remember - it might be because some kid in his bedroom halfway across the world is holding their systems hostage.

And he probably named himself after a cartoon character.