Holy crap. I've seen some ridiculous displays of wealth in my 15 years covering luxury travel, but this... this is something else entirely. Last month I managed to wrangle an invite to tour what they're calling the "Flying Mansion" – a Boeing 747 that some Middle Eastern billionaire dropped what's rumored to be £300 million on. And let me tell you, I've never felt poorer in my entire life.

The whole experience was surreal. From teh outside, it looks like any other jumbo jet – white paint job, nothing special. But stepping inside? That's when my jaw literally hit the floor.

That Gold Staircase Though...

First thing that hits you is this absolutely bonkers golden staircase. Not gold-colored. Not gold-plated. This thing looks like it was forged from actual bars melted down from Fort Knox. My guide (who made me promise not to reveal his name) told me the owner insisted on this feature specifically – apparently it's the first thing guests see when boarding.

I asked if I could take a selfie on it. The answer was a firm no.

Bedroom That Makes My Apartment Look Like a Prison Cell

The master bedroom sits right in the nose of the plane, underneath where the pilots do their thing. Smart placement – it's the quietest spot on the aircraft, furthest from those roaring engines. And my God, the bed is massive. King-sized doesn't even begin to describe it.

Everything – and I mean EVERYTHING – has gold trim. The carpet, the drawers, the ceiling fixtures. There's even original artwork on the walls that probably costs more than my car. Actually, more than every car I've ever owned combined.

I made a joke about taking a nap and was met with a very uncomfortable silence.

Wait... Is That a Full Bathroom?

Behind this enormous golden door (sensing a theme yet?) is an entire bathroom that's bigger than my first apartment in 2009. We're talking a walk-in shower, toilet that probably has more computing power than NASA, and a sink surrounded by mirrors that make you look good even after a 14-hour flight.

The dark wood with gold accents everywhere makes it feel like you're washing your hands in some royal palace, not 40,000 feet above the Atlantic.

I accidentally touched one of the fixtures and nearly had a heart attack thinking I'd broken something worth more than my annual salary.

Upstairs: Where the Magic Happens

After climbing that ridiculous staircase (which, by the way, makes zero practical sense in an aircraft), you reach what they claim is the largest upper deck of any jumbo jet ever built. The main living area is just... excessive.

There's this massive TV that probably cost as much as my kid's college fund, surrounded by perfectly color-coordinated bookcases. Who reads physical books on a plane? This guy, apparently.

The sofas looked so pristine I was afraid to sit down. I did anyway.

You Could Throw a Better Party Here Than in Most Nightclubs

Another living space has three more sofas positioned above these weird vaulted ceilings. My guide mentioned they use this area for "games nights" which I'm guessing means high-stakes poker where the buy-in is probably my annual mortgage.

There's a dedicated drinking area stocked with liquor bottles I didn't recognize but assumed cost more than my car payments. Some looked old enough to have witnessed world wars.

Four years. That's how long it took French design firm Cabinet Alberto Pinto to complete this monstrosity. The designer had the audacity to say the owner wanted "simplicity" – which made me laugh out loud during the tour. Awkward.

So... Who Owns This Thing?

That's the million-dollar question. Or rather, the £300 million question. My source wouldn't say, just that he's from the Middle East and has a wingspan requirement of 224 feet. (That's the plane's wingspan, not his personal one, though at this point nothing would surprise me.)

Whoever he is, he gave the designers "carte blanche" according to their own statement. And yet they claim he wasn't looking for "anything outrageously luxurious, with gold and diamonds."

Right. And I'm the Queen of England.

Listen. I've been covering luxury travel since 2008, and I've seen some truly obscene displays of wealth. But this plane exists in its own category. The designer called it "a landmark in aviation history" – and for once, the hyperbole feels justified.

As I left the tour and climbed back into my Uber (not even a nice one – the driver was eating a sandwich when he picked me up), I couldn't help wondering what kind of person needs this level of opulence just to fly from one place to another.

Then again, if I had billions, would I be any different?

Probably. But I'd at least invite you all onboard for a party.