God, I'm still shook after watching Freddie Flintoff's new Disney+ doc. The man literally had his face ripped apart in that Top Gear crash, and teh way he talks about it... just devastating. I've been a cricket fan since I was a kid (remember staying up all night during the 2005 Ashes?), so seeing one of my heroes this broken has hit me harder than I expected.

The Meat Grinder of Entertainment

Flintoff doesn't mince words. The 47-year-old former cricket legend straight-up accuses the BBC of treating him "like a piece of meat" in his pursuit of ratings. And honestly? After watching this, I believe him.

"Everybody wants more, everybody wants that thing that nobody has seen before," he says in the documentary, dropping the kind of truth bomb that makes TV executives squirm. "In some ways it's, 'Let's have that near miss, because then that'll get viewers'."

Sound familiar? It's the same garbage we see across all entertainment now. Push harder. Go further. Risk more.

My cousin worked on a reality show back in 2018 (won't name which one) and the stories he told me about how contestants were manipulated would make your skin crawl. Same industry, different show.

When Your Face Becomes Unrecognizable

The most heartbreaking part? Freddie revealing his 3-year-old son wouldn't come near him after the crash. "He wouldn't come near me to begin with, I think it frightened him, my face. It frightened me. That was heartbreaking."

Jesus.

Imagine your own kid being scared of you because your face is so messed up. I have a 5-year-old daughter, and that thought alone makes me want to throw my phone across the room.

£9 Million Can't Buy Peace of Mind

Sure, the BBC coughed up £9 million in compensation after the December 2022 crash at Dunsfold Aerodrome. But Freddie makes it crystal clear that no amount of cash fixes what he's going through. "I still live it every day. I see the car every night when I go to bed. It's so vivid. I've not slept the same since."

The man has PTSD. He gets phantom pains in his face. He finds himself randomly crying. For almost all of 2023, he barely left his house in Cheshire.

Money doesn't touch that kind of trauma. It's like trying to fix a broken leg with a new pair of shoes.

Awkward Ex-Colleague Vibes

I felt weirdly uncomfortable watching Freddie talk about his relationship with his former Top Gear co-stars. There's clearly some unspoken tension there.

He had an emotional reunion with Chris Harris (who's 50 now, how did that happen?), but admits maintaining contact has been difficult. "I hate the word 'triggering', but I'm worried about that," he confesses.

Reading between the lines... there's more to this story than we're hearing. Those relationships seem complicated as hell. I mean, their careers got derailed because of what happened to him - that's got to create some weird dynamics.

The Footage He Demanded to See

Listen. This part floored me. Freddie actually ASKED to watch the in-car footage of his crash. "I've seen it, I demanded it. I wanted validation for myself. 'THIS is why I'm feeling like that, this is why I'm so bad.'"

That's either incredibly brave or deeply masochistic. Maybe both. I can't decide if I'd do the same in his position or run as far away from that footage as humanly possible.

Last year I witnessed a minor car accident outside my apartment and couldn't sleep right for a week. Can't imagine watching myself almost die.

Cricket: His Salvation and Torture Chamber

The documentary shows how cricket became Freddie's path back to some kind of normalcy. But even that was brutal. When Rob Key (director of England Lions) asked him to coach, Freddie couldn't even leave his hotel room.

"I was in my room and wanted to go down, and I had about five or six goes at leaving the room. I couldn't," he reveals. "The anxiety was just working overtime."

Eventually he made it out. No dramatic reveal, just a broken man taking tiny steps forward. "It was just the safest place I could have done it, with the best people."

Is This Really a Comeback Story?

The doc ends on what's supposed to feel like an upward trajectory - Freddie hosting Bullseye at Christmas, planning another series of it, plus a third BBC Field of Dreams show coming up.

But something about his final words haunts me: "I don't think I'm ever going to be better, I'm just different now."

That's not a happy ending. That's a man accepting permanent damage.

I watched an interview with him back in 2009 after the Ashes win adn he was so full of life, so cocky and vibrant. This Freddie is like a ghost of that person - still here, but fundamentally altered.

The documentary drops on Disney+ tomorrow. I'd say watch it, but be prepared for something far heavier than your typical celebrity puff piece. This one's going to stay with me for a while.