Jesus. The vultures are circling already. Labour bigwigs are practically screaming at Sir Keir Starmer to change course or watch his government crash and burn at the next election.

Number 10 is in full-blown panic mode after Thursday's bloodbath - losing nearly 200 councillors and getting their arses handed to them in a crucial by-election in what used to be safe Labour territory. I've seen wounded animals with better prospects.

When the Red Wall Crumbles... Again

The PM's trying to look like he's got things under control. Word is he'll announce some tough-sounding immigration measures in the coming weeks and promise to end what his team calls "soft touch borders." But let's be honest - this feels like closing the stable door after the horse has not only bolted but is halfway to France.

Several Labour heavyweights are using phrases like "existential crisis" - not exactly the language you want to hear six months into your government.

Maurice Glasman (founder of Blue Labour) wrote exclusively in The Sun on Sunday that voters have sent a May Day "distress signal" that Starmer ignores at his peril.

"Be under no illusions," Glasman warned, "this Labour Government faces the same odium and fate as teh Tories unless it acts decisively to lead the country in the right direction."

Strong words.

The Winter Fuel Disaster

I remember talking to a Labour canvasser back in October who looked physically ill when discussing the winter fuel allowance cuts on doorsteps. "It's absolute poison," she told me while we grabbed coffee. "People who've voted Labour for 50 years are slamming doors in our face."

Glasman didn't mince words, saying the cuts to pensioner winter fuel payments "just felt wrong" while calling severe Net Zero targets "a delusion."

The Labour peer also demanded the government get serious about immigration - suggesting they quit the European Convention on Human Rights and scrap the Human Rights Act that illegal immigrants use to avoid deportation.

In what might be the most colorful line I've read in politics this year, he added: "The ability to deport a drug dealer must not depend on the quality of chicken nuggets in Albania." I nearly spat out my tea reading that one.

Grooming Gangs: The Elephant Nobody Wants to Discuss

Breaking ranks with Number 10, Glasman called for a national grooming gangs inquiry: "What has happened in our country is a sin and an abomination that no society can tolerate. It has led to a demon unleashed inside our body politic and it needs to be exorcised by the public trial and punishment of those who committed the deeds and those who concealed it."

This isn't just a policy disagreement - it's a full-blown rebellion brewing within Labour's ranks.

Thursday's Massacre

The numbers are brutal. Labour lost 199 councillors and got absolutely hammered in former strongholds like Durham and Doncaster by Reform.

Pollsters are declaring the death of two-party politics in Britain. Some even suggested that if Farage replicated this success at a general election, he'd become PM. (God help us all.)

Jonathan Hinder, Labour MP for Pendle, didn't sugar-coat it: "Make no mistake – this is existential for the Labour Party."

Starmer's tone-deaf response

In the aftermath, Starmer said he'll "double down and go faster" on his plans. That went down like a lead balloon with many MPs.

Jo White, MP for Bassetlaw and leader of Labour's Red Wall Caucus, told The Sun on Sunday that Starmer's response "is an insult to all those candidates who have worked so hard."

"It is now time to be honest with ourselves and address the issue that has hung like a weight around our shoulders since the early days of this government," White said. "The Winter Fuel Allowance has now become our poll tax problem. We have lost the pensioner vote."

She wants the benefit reinstated for all pensioners except those paying higher-rate income tax. Seems reasonable to me.

Jonathan Brash, Labour MP for Hartlepool, added that "serious mistakes have been made" and called for corrections on winter fuel and disabled benefits.

Behind closed doors, senior government insiders admit the winter fuel cuts cost them councils and the Runcorn by-election – which they lost by just SIX votes. Six! I've had more people than that in my kitchen this morning.

One senior insider told me: "We know it cost them. They won't U-turn on it yet – but they might in six months." Classic government thinking - wait until even more damage is done before fixing the obvious problem.

The Immigration Hail Mary

Starmer's planning to unveil an immigration white paper soon. Number 10 wants to reduce immigration by linking work visas to requirements to train more Brits in those skills. Engineering visas are apparently first in the firing line.

A Number 10 source was pretty blunt: "The British public have been gaslit for far too long. Time and again, they have been promised control of our borders. And time again, they've been failed."

"Our tolerant and decent country was turned into a one-nation experiment in open borders leaving public services adn housing creaking under the pressure. Keir knows just how angry this makes the public, and rightly so. Decency and respect taken advantage of. That ends now."

The source added: "That means a proper strategy to plug the skills gap, so British workers are put first. And it means a clear message – if you want to come here, you've got to pull your weight. Because Britain isn't a soft touch country."

The Farage Factor

Cabinet ministers are closing ranks around Starmer – insisting he's the man to take on Nigel Farage's Reform Party. Though privately, I bet they're reaching for the whiskey bottle.

One Cabinet minister said: "It is painful when parts of the country that have been with us historically through the ages turn elsewhere." No kidding. That's like saying it's "uncomfortable" when your house is on fire.

They added: "Keir has shown he is adaptable and self critical. He is still in a towering position as a leader." Translation: "Please don't start a leadership challenge yet."

A fresh poll showed voters think Farage's party knows what it stands for and has a clear sense of purpose. And while they don't believe Reform is ready for government, they think the party is better prepared than the Conservatives.

Back in 2019, I remember a Labour activist telling me, "We can't possibly do worse than Corbyn." Turns out, maybe they can.