God. I never thought I'd see the day when Nigel Farage would be calling the shots in so many local councils across England. Yet here we are in this bizarre political landscape where Reform UK is suddenly a force to be reckoned with.

Farage is on teh warpath, folks.

The "Not In My Backyard" Asylum Stance

Standing in County Durham (which, by the way, just flipped from Labour to Reform in a shocking upset), Farage made it crystal clear that Reform-controlled councils will "resist" housing asylum seekers in their areas. He's basically throwing down the gauntlet to the Home Office.

His exact words? Asylum seekers are being "dumped" into northern communities and getting "everything for free."

"It is unfair, it is irresponsible, it is wrong in every way and I don't believe Starmer has got the guts to deal with it."

I was talking to a friend who works in immigration policy yesterday, and she just rolled her eyes so hard I thought they might get stuck. Her response: "Constitutional nightmare incoming."

Bye-Bye Pajama Workers

Remember back in 2021 when everyone was debating whether WFH would become permanent? Well, Farage has other ideas for public servants under Reform's watch.

He's promising to end remote working at Reform councils and—wait for it—sack staff working on climate change or diversity initiatives. This is straight from the Trump playbook, which isn't surprising given Farage's bromance with the former (and possibly future) US president.

The "Doge" Is Coming

Farage is clearly obsessed with Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency (Doge) concept. He told the BBC that "every county needs a Doge" and promised "increased productivity from staff."

Listen. I've covered local government for years, and I can already hear the collective groans from council workers across the country. These aren't exactly high-paying jobs to begin with, and now they're facing a boss who wants to micromanage their bathroom breaks.

Where the hell did Reform come from?

It's been a whirlwind. Reform has taken control of Durham, Kent, Lincolnshire, Lancashire, Staffordshire, Nottinghamshire and Derbyshire county councils. Plus Doncaster and both North and West Northamptonshire.

They also snagged the Greater Lincolnshire mayoralty with Andrea Jenkyns and won East Yorkshire with Luke Campbell (who racked up an impressive 48,910 votes).

And in perhaps the most nail-biting result, they took the parliamentary seat of Runcorn and Helsby from Labour by just SIX votes. Six! I stayed up until 3am watching that recount... my partner thought I'd lost my mind.

Starmer's Not Having a Great Time

Poor Keir. Just months into his premiership and he's already facing a revolt within Labour ranks after these results.

To his credit, he's not sugar-coating it: "I could stand here and say Runcorn was close, we successfully defended three mayoralties, and the opposition parties tend to do well in these sorts of elections. But I'm not going to do that. What I am going to do is to respond by saying: I get it."

He tried pivoting to his NHS wins, claiming they've delivered over two million extra appointments ahead of schedule. But nobody was really listening to that part.

The Unholy Alliance?

The most fascinating subplot in all this is whether the Tories and Reform might actually join forces. Kemi Badenoch has hinted at potential "local level" coalitions, which Starmer was quick to attack.

Starmer's take: "If you're a Tory voter who doesn't want a pro-Russia foreign policy, how does a merger with Reform work for you? If you're a Reform voter that thinks the Tories have failed for 14 years, how does a merger or coalition with the Tories work for you?"

"Both sets of voters are being conned," he added, calling the potential alliance "a disaster for Britain."

I spent £30 on drinks with a Conservative councillor last week who confided that many in his party are absolutely terrified. "We're being eaten alive from the right," he whispered, looking genuinely haunted. "And the leadership has no idea what to do about it."

The two-party system is crumbling before our eyes. And honestly? I'm not sure anyone knows what comes next.