God. Football takeovers are messy at the best of times, but what's happening at Gateshead right now is like watching a car crash in slow motion. And the players are feeling every bump.

Club captain Greg Olley has absolutely let rip about Victor Anichebe's drawn-out takeover attempt that's apparently been dragging on since January. The former Everton and Sunderland striker – who hung up his boots back in 2017 – has been sniffing around the National League outfit for months now, and it seems to have thrown the entire club into disarray.

When "fastest takeover in football history" becomes your club's nightmare

Olley didn't hold back after their final match ended their playoff hopes. You can almost hear the frustration dripping from his words.

"We were told it was going to be the fastest takeover in football history," he fumed in what must've been an awkward post-match interview for teh club's media team. Fastest takeover? It's been lingering like a bad smell for nearly half a year.

I've seen some botched takeovers in my time (remember when my local club had three different "confirmed" owners in a month back in 2019?), but this one takes the cake.

The 37-year-old striker who can't stop meddling

What's particularly wild about this situation is that Anichebe – the 11-cap Nigerian international – hasn't even completed the takeover yet is apparently already stomping around Gateshead International Stadium like he owns the place.

According to Olley, he's been chatting with coaching staff, talking recruitment, and has had multiple sit-downs with head coach Carl Magnay.

Wait for it...

The man even walked into the changing room to address the squad! Imagine some bloke who doesn't technically own your club coming in and telling you "what he expects" and "who he wants to build around" next season. I'd be furious too.

Dressing room divided

The captain didn't sugar-coat the impact either. "There has almost been a little bit of a divide in the camp," he revealed, before adding they've only recently tried patching things up. Too little too late, it seems, as their playoff dreams have evaporated.

My mate who supports Gateshead texted me last night: "This is what happens when egos get involved. Whole season down the drain." Poor bloke hasn't stopped ranting about it since March.

The timing couldn't be worse. Just when the club needed focus and unity for that final playoff push, they instead got uncertainty and whispers about who might or might not be in Anichebe's plans.

So what happens next?

Honestly, who knows? The takeover that was supposedly imminent in March is still dragging on in May. Anichebe, who made his name at Everton before stints at West Brom and Sunderland, clearly has plans for the club – he's just implementing them before actually completing the purchase.

I remember watching him as a powerful young striker years ago. Decent player. Not sure that translates to being a decent owner though, especially with this start.

The whole situation reminds me of when I tried buying a house in 2018 and started measuring up for furniture before contracts were exchanged. The seller caught me in the garden with a tape measure... didn't go down well.

For Gateshead fans, this summer's gonna be a long one. And if I were a player there right now? I'd be updating my CV faster than you can say "fastest takeover in football history."