God, I love a good excuse to see footballers awkwardly posing in suits that cost more than my monthly rent. Last night's Chelsea end-of-season awards bash at the Grosvenor House was exactly that kind of beautiful train wreck of glamour and forced smiles that makes me stupidly happy.

The blue carpet (of course it was blue) saw both the men's and women's teams strutting their stuff after a pretty decent weekend on the pitch. The women squeezed past Spurs with a 1-0 win, while the men somehow managed to shock Liverpool 3-1. My mate who supports Liverpool hasn't responded to my texts yet. Poor thing.

Suits, Smiles, and Suspiciously Expensive Watches

Trevoh Chalobah looked like he'd walked straight off a GQ photoshoot. The man was DAPPER. Like, properly put-together in a way that made me question my entire wardrobe choices.

Cole Palmer, Jadon Sancho and Noni Madueke formed some kind of stylish trio on the carpet, all looking like they'd coordinated their outfits via WhatsApp beforehand. "No mate, I'm wearing the black suit with thin lapels!" "Well I've already bought mine!" I can just imagine teh conversation.

The women weren't playing around either. Sam Kerr, Erin Cuthbert, Guro Reiten and Millie Bright showed up looking absolutely stunning. My girlfriend pointed at Cuthbert's dress and just said, "Find me that. Now." As if I have any idea how to source designer gowns.

Wait... Didn't We Just Spend £115 MILLION on Him?

The real story of the night? Moises Caicedo swooping in and grabbing BOTH the fan-voted Player of the Season AND the Players' Player awards. Not bad for a guy who had Chelsea fans (including me) questioning his price tag back in September.

That £115m fee was looking pretty steep at one point. I remember texting my dad after that Arsenal game: "We've been robbed." Feeling pretty stupid now.

Caicedo joins a pretty exclusive club of double-award winners that includes Cole Palmer, Thiago Silva, and Eden Hazard. Elite company. And honestly? He's earned it. The guy has been absolutely crucial to Maresca's system this season.

The Young Ones (Making Me Feel Ancient)

Two teenagers walked away with the Academy Player awards. Lola Brown (just 17!) for the women and Tyrique George (19) for the men.

George scored his first Chelsea goal last month, and I was there to see it - jumped so hard I spilled £7 worth of lukewarm stadium beer on the guy in front of me. Worth it though.

Brown has been breaking into the first team this season under Bompastor. My prediction? She'll be a regular starter within 18 months. You heard it here first.

Cuthbert's Second Crown

Erin Cuthbert took home the Women's Player of the Season award for the second time in her Chelsea career. The fans know quality when they see it.

Meanwhile, Nathalie Bjorn was named Women's Players' Player of the Season. Always means something special when your teammates vote for you... they see all the work that happens away from the cameras.

Millie Bright and Marcus Bettinelli were recognized as PFA Community Champions for their work with the Chelsea Foundation. Bright especially has been incredible with her community outreach... and somehow finds time to captain the team too.

Back to Business (After the Hangovers)

The celebrations won't last long though. Chelsea's got that second leg against Djurgarden coming up on Thursday in the Conference League semi.

We're already 4-1 up from the first leg, so barring some absolute disaster (which, being Chelsea, isn't entirely impossible), we should be heading to Poland for the final.

I was at the first leg with my brother-in-law who's never watched Chelsea before. "Is it always this easy?" he asked. Bless him. 25 years of supporting this club and I know nothing is ever easy.

Anyway, I'm off to see if I can find photos of which players were still standing at 3am. The real awards are for whoever closed the bar...