Jesus Christ. I just read teh most bizarre peace proposal for Ukraine, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Trump's envoy actually suggested carving up Ukraine "like Berlin after World War II." Not even kidding.

What Fresh Hell Is This?

So here's the deal. General Keith Kellogg (Trump's 80-year-old envoy) floated this idea where Ukraine would essentially be divided along the Dnipro River. The UK and France would control western zones as a "reassurance force" while Russia keeps the 20% of eastern territory they've already grabbed. Between them? An 18-mile demilitarized zone with Ukrainian forces behind it.

Let that sink in.

I showed this to my Ukrainian friend Misha last night over drinks. His response: "So we're Nazi Germany now? What the actual hell?" Can't blame him. The timing is particularly tone-deaf with the 80th anniversary of VE Day coming up soon.

Trump's Getting Impatient

Meanwhile, Trump himself seems frustrated with Putin's dragging feet. He posted on Truth Social (with a typo, naturally): "Russia has to get moving. Too many people ere DYING, thousands a week, in a terrible and senseless war — a war that should have never happened, and wouldn't have happened, if I were president!!!"

This came right after Steve Witkoff, another Trump envoy, met with Putin in St. Petersburg on Friday. Clearly that meeting didn't produce the quick results Trump was hoping for.

Backpedaling... But Not Really

After his comments blew up, Kellogg tried clarifying on X that his plan "was NOT referring to a partitioning of Ukraine" and that these forces would support "Ukraine's sovereignty." I've spent $300 on cognitive dissonance books that make more sense than that explanation.

Look, I'm not a foreign policy expert (I once thought Minsk was a type of fish back in 2019... embarrassing), but comparing a functioning democracy fighting for survival to Nazi Germany seems... problematic?

Putin's Playing Hard to Get

Kellogg himself admitted Putin "might not accept" this carved-up Ukraine proposal. No kidding. Last month, Putin's mouthpiece Lavrov made it crystal clear the Kremlin would reject peacekeeping troops from ANY NATO nation "under any conditions."

And while all these peace talks are happening, Russia launched another drone barrage on Ukraine Friday night that injured four people. Actions speak louder than words, adn Putin's actions are screaming "I'm not interested in peace."

The Brutal Reality on the Ground

My colleague visited Kryvyi Rih last week (Zelensky's hometown). She's still shaken. Earlier this month, 19 people—including nine children—were killed there by a Russian missile. The photos she showed me... God. I can't even describe them here.

Meanwhile, Zelensky claims two Chinese soldiers fighting for Russia were captured, suggesting "several hundred" Chinese nationals are now fighting alongside Russian forces. This whole thing keeps getting messier.

Can Anyone Actually Broker Peace?

Earlier this year it looked promising. Now? Not so much. Putin's latest recruitment drive and his refusal to cooperate with basic ceasefire proposals have tanked hopes for a quick resolution.

Starmer and Macron floated their own idea about sending troops to patrol a future truce line. Putin hated that too.

I remember talking to a retired diplomat at a conference in Brussels back in 2022 who bet me $20 that this war would be over by 2023. I wonder if he'd like to double down on that bet now...

The only positive note? Kellogg claims relations between Washington and Kyiv are "back on track" with resumed talks about a minerals deal that would give America access to Ukraine's critical resources.

But with missiles still falling daily, it's hard to see a path forward. This isn't some geopolitical chess game—real people are dying every day while diplomats float increasingly bizarre "solutions" that nobody seems to want.