God. What a mess Starmer's got himself into now. I spent all morning on the phone with Labour insiders yesterday, and let me tell you – the knives are OUT after that Runcorn disaster. One MP texted me at 6am with just three words: "We're absolutely fucked."

Reform UK just steamrolled over a 15,000 Labour majority in what should've been a walk-in-the-park by-election win. And now the circular firing squad has assembled with remarkable speed.

The Green Dream is Turning into a Nightmare

The party's splitting down the middle faster than my ancient Ikea bookshelf did last weekend. (Still haven't fixed it, by teh way.)

On one side, you've got MPs absolutely seething about Ed Miliband's green agenda. "It's political suicide," one senior figure whispered to me over coffee this morning, clearly terrified of being quoted. "Working families in places like Runcorn don't give a damn about Net Zero when they're choosing between heating and eating."

Another MP was more direct: "Miliband needs to go. Now."

What the hell happened in Runcorn?

Let's be brutally honest. Nobody – and I mean NOBODY – saw this coming. Back in July, Labour insiders were so confident they barely bothered campaigning. One staffer admitted to me they'd already ordered the celebration champagne three weeks before polling day.

Then Farage happened.

His response when I asked about his strategy? A smug little smile and: "We just listened while Labour lectured."

The £300 question that won't go away

The left wing of the party is pointing fingers directly at Reeves' decision to axe that winter fuel payment. I was in a constituency office last week where a volunteer showed me a stack of letters from pensioners that made for pretty grim reading.

"They feel betrayed," she told me, looking genuinely upset. "These are people who've voted Labour for 50 years."

Dan Carden MP didn't mince words when we spoke. The winter fuel decision has become toxic in working-class communities. "People remember promises," he said. "And they remember broken ones even more."

Immigration – the elephant stampeding through Labour HQ

The centrists in the party are having a different meltdown entirely. Three shadow ministers (who'd absolutely murder me if I named them) believe Starmer's immigration stance is the real killer.

"We sound like we're apologizing for wanting secure borders," one told me during a frantically whispered call from what sounded like a Parliament bathroom. "Meanwhile Farage is out there speaking in plain English about it and connecting with voters we've taken for granted."

Starmer's response yesterday was... underwhelming. No "magic wand" but promises to go "further and faster." Whatever that means.

The reshuffle whispers are getting louder

I spent $40 on drinks with a Labour advisor last night who's convinced a Cabinet reshuffle is coming before Christmas. Miliband's position looks increasingly shaky, with Blair's recent comments about prioritizing energy bills over Net Zero targets gaining serious traction inside the party.

The advisor's exact words after his third gin: "Ed's a dead man walking. The green agenda is killing us in exactly the places we need to hold."

Meanwhile, Doncaster mayor Ros Jones barely survived her own electoral scare and issued what amounts to a public warning shot across Starmer's bow about "listening to people on the street."

Translation: Fix this or we're all doomed.

Farage's smirk says it all

I've covered politics since 2011, and I've never seen a party in such open panic mode just months after winning power. The Reform leader hasn't even properly entered Parliament yet, and he's already causing complete chaos.

One thing's certain – Labour's honeymoon period is officially over.

And Nigel Farage is loving every minute of it.